I have a yearning in my heart

We are young. We are careless and carefree and screaming for joy just because we can. We beg for things, dumb things, good things, not so wonderful things, because we don't know any better. We are teenagers. 

Then comes the day we have to grow up. And all those things don't matter anymore. Not the new jeans with the fancy pockets, not the sweater that we spent hours and hours working for, now we beg to be taken somewhere new, where no one knows our names, where we don't have to pretend to be someone we're not and hide our thoughts because they can't possibly be right. Where we can feel the feeling of freedom that has been deprived from us by the society we live in.A place fit for wandering, a secret place no one knows you will reside in. Where we can wander and get lost among a crowd, without a way out, to somehow feel as though we belong. Even if it's just in a small, seemingly insignificant way. Maybe it's the way we will write our letter q's, on a scrap of paper that fell from the pocket of an old cardigan, littering the ground where someone will pick it up on impulse. Maybe it's a word we say in passing, or a gesture that speaks for us. Maybe it's just being there that will affect someone, some way. Or maybe not. 

Maybe we will be stuck in the same place our whole lives, because we are too scared to defy the way things are, the way things should be. If we left, it would be defying everything we'd ever been taught, from the area to the society. 

And yet.

In my heart I yearn for something more, something that this place can't possibly provide me. Something, somewhere new. Where no one knows my name and I am just another face in the endless crowd surrounding me. I want to make something of my life, and I know it won't be here. 



Forever Yours,
Rachel